Friday, May 30, 2008

A Mother's Love


As I sat down today at my computer and opened the internet, our blog page came up. I realized that it has been a month since my last post. That just made me cry. Not because I am a blog junkie, or because I know that there are people wanting to read more….but because our placement day wasn’t the end of the journey. It was only the beginning, especially for a very special woman to our hearts…our birthmother Kacie. So continue to share in our journey and see the heart of a birthmother.


One week after we brought Isaac home, we went back to New Life to visit with Kacie. That visit was one of the most amazing, and yet one of the hardest times so far.

As we waited on the “red couch”, I wondered how this would all go. Isaac was asleep in my arms. I wondered if I would have any problem handing him to Kacie again (we had been working so hard and praying about bonding).

The moment that she walked in the room, all of my fears and doubts were gone. Chris & I hugged her and told her how amazing she looked for having a baby 1 week ago!
The Lord is so amazing! Every fear that I had was revealed as selfishness, and my heart was so filled up with love for Kacie that I just wanted to sit and hold her hand. The love that the Lord has placed in our hearts for Kacie is supernatural and unlike any love that we have ever experienced before.

I smiled as I hugged her and asked if she wanted to hold him. Her response spilled out of her before my question was fully asked. Before we all had a chance to sit down, he was in her arms. The look on her face was indescribable. All of her nervousness had turned to excitement and joy as she held Isaac in her arms again. It had been a week since she had seen him.

We sat on those couches and Kacie held him so close. She would kiss him over and over, telling him how much she loved him and how she had been thinking about him. She took his blanket off, looked in his shirt and took his socks off, just to check him over. She couldn’t get enough of him! Every time he would begin to protest, she would just draw him close and kiss him.

Chris and I know that Kacie loves this baby, there is no way that any mother could make the selfless decision of adoption without such a tremendous love! But to sit there on the couch and watch Kacie pour her love out on Isaac was one of the most beautiful things I have every seen! The joy of sharing that moment with her is beyond words!

We sat for an hour watching Kacie hold and talk to Isaac. She asked a lot of questions, mostly about how our kids and family were loving him. There were periods of laughter, questions and of silence. The silence wasn’t an awkward silence, but rather just moments that we all were rejoicing and sharing over a beautiful baby.

The words that broke that silence cut deep and took me by surprise (I can’t imagine what they did to Kacie). Sara spoke, “Kacie it is almost time”. Her reply was a simple, “I know”.

She wrapped Isaac back in his blanket and handed him to me with a hurt in her eyes, being careful not to let it spill out. She tucked the blanket and kissed him. As she started to get up. She stopped and leaned over, “Just one more kiss.” She kissed his sweet head so tenderly, as if to make it a kiss that would last a lifetime.

Chris & I stood up and gave Kacie a hug. We told her that we would see her in October. She was quick to leave the room. It was clearly too much.

The Lord has never let me see someone’s pain the way that he did that day. I was so blessed to see her joy, pain and most of all her amazing love for Isaac!

Kacie is an amazing woman. I am not sure that I am selfless enough to make the decisions that she has made. The love that the Lord has given us for her is beyond human understanding. We want more than anything for her to come to know our Savior! We pray and believe that one day that will be a reality!

Pray with us for Kacie. Pray with us for birthmothers whose hearts are so full of love, yet their arms are empty and aching.

5 comments:

The Duty's said...

I love that story! I have tears in my eyes just thinking about how the Lord, in His providence, placed you with Kacie and Isaac. I'm praying for that precious woman...

Jennifer Bacak said...

Shannan,
I cried when you told me this in person.
I'm crying again.
I have experienced this same scene practically and there really aren't words to describe the emotions.
Motherhood, for a birthmom and adoptive Mom, it brings out the most powerful emotions in us!
I am reminded to pray, pray, pray for Kacie!
We love you all!
jenn

Matt said...

hey megan and tyler! sup? it's matt from drama.i read this and it was wonderful. i'm praying 4 kayce and i hope isaac has a wonderful life. no wait i know he will bc he's living with y'all. holla c y'all l8r.
/\/\@++

Jill said...

Hey Shannon and Chris--
it is Jill (Kirby) Yeager--DOB Jan. 28th!! I cannot believe I found your blog. I was just browsing some friends of a friend and there you were! I am so amazed at what the LORD is doing in your life! Your children are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! I would love to see y'all and meet the kiddos sometime. I am living in Madisonville, but I am frequently in BCS. I will be praying for your precious family!!

Feldman Family said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILL... Its so good to hear from you. Thank you for your prayers and anytime your in town you can by and see my peeps. Look us up we are in the phone book. (don't want to give it out here don't know who sees this...lol)

Chris